On dentist visits and anxiety

There is a lot going on at our house lately.  Besides all the normal day to day stuff of family life and church responsibilities and friends, Nate is about to quit his job for good.  We are about to put our house up for sale. Nate is about to move to Kansas and I will be single parenting for a few months while trying to keep my house spotless so that someone will like it and buy it.  And then I have to pack. (Still trying to put that one off.)  And look for a new house in Kansas. 

So because of that, and the impending move, we have had to hurry and get a bunch of health/dental care items checked off of our to-do list.  I was postponing these things because the holidays were a little busy.  But now I am really busy. Kind of ironic.  All of us needed our teeth cleaned.  That was 4 separate appointments.  Then when we were at the checkups, we found cavities.That added another 3 appointments to the calendar. So I have been hanging out with the dentist twice a week for the past month trying to fit in all of these appointments. 

But I've noticed that in the past two weeks, I've felt my anxiety level rise. I've been a little short with every one and I'm sorry.  If you recall, I have seen my dentist more often in the last 8 years than most people see one in their entire lives!  To say I have just a bit of dental anxiety is a huge understatement.  Needless to say, I am a bit cranky, depressed, anxious and stressed out.  The biggest stress inducing factor is my upcoming appointment.  The last part of my facial/jaw repair process is to replace all 10 crowns in my mouth with new ones.  Because my jaw has been repositioned, the old crowns no longer fit together properly.  It still causes headaches and sore jaw muscles, and pain in my mandibular joint.  Stress makes all those things worse.  So these past few months haven't been good on that point.  All of this adds to the anxiety.  And though I've had many crowns, which were no big deal when you get them one at a time, getting 10 done at once has me a little on edge.  I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder after my second jaw surgery (the facial reconstrution surgery) and it has made me a little gun shy with subsequent procedures.   I had expected that second surgery to be as easy as the first one.  It wasn't.  That second one was so much more painful and the recovery was so long, that it really screwed me up.  For a long time.

So next week I go to the dentist for the finishing touches to a nearly-decade long treatment plan: 10 new crowns. I get to spend the entire day at the dentist: 7 am to 5 pm. I am the only patient for the day.  I'm anxious.  It's more than a little debilitating.  Even though I have so much to do, I can't seem to get through the thoughts and anxiety of next week's appointment to get around to my to do list.  I've been trying to avoid even thinking about it by catching up on TV shows on my DVR and my Netflix movies that I've had since November.  Read lots of books, and been on a little junk food binge too. (I managed to lose weight during the holidays, just to gain it all back thi month.)   All to avoid having to even think about my teeth.  I don't deal well with anxiety and stress.  It's not good.

So, after I go and have a good cathartic cry about this, I am going to try and focus on the positive for the next week.  This will be the last dental procedure for a long, long time.  In reality, this won't be nearly as bad as having my face broken in 6 places and my chin cut off and reattached and having 54 screws put in my skull.  Not even as bad as getting a new jaw joint.  My face won't swell up tilll I look like a troll and no one recognizes me. I don't have to go to the hospital.  (Although I think I would like to be put under while they are doing this instead of just sedated.)  I will get some good pain meds to help me out. I won't have to be on a liquid diet for 6 months - just a day or two probably.  I won't have to do any chores for the day.  Nate will take care of everything else.  I will most likely be back to normal in a couple days.  Hopefully, with the valium, I won't even remember much.  And then it will be over.  Forever.  (Or at least until I need a replacement on my metal face parts in 20 or 30 years.)  I am going to get through this.  I will be fine.  I am strong.  I can do this.  It will all be ok.

At least that is what I am tellling myself for the next week.