When I was a kid, one of the consequences for poor choices was doing dishes...for 10 people...by hand (no dishwasher)...by yourself. Unfortunately, I got really good at doing the dishes. My parents would share this method with all their friends (through visiting or in a sacrament meeting talk since my Dad was either in the bishopric or a high councilman when I was a teenager). My friends were not happy with me about that.
Recently, Aspen made some poor choices and so I decided to try out this dishes-as-consequences method. I love it! Not only do my dishes magically get done, but it provides a repeated reminder (for as long as the consequence lasts) about making better decisions. Aspen performed her duty without complaining too! More joy! I think this will be my go-to consequence from now on. My children are generally good kids. But there are the occasional squabbles, attitudes, and rule side-stepping that is normal. So big chores for big mistakes; smaller chores for smaller rule infractions. Poor choices on the part of my children will equal a cleaner, more sparkling house for me!
You were a great dish doer. We tell Axel all the time that you had the most to wash since the family was the biggest then. However, now, this punishment doesn't work well with Axel since there are so few of us and we do the dishes by hand every day anyway. We don't have a dishwasher. You turned out great so maybe that form of punishment does get results.
ReplyDeleteWe always had so many dishes to wash - and I don't ever recall having to do them alone - but it does have merit. (I am referring to my growing up years, not my kids!)
ReplyDeleteAlthough Harry's mother used to say that the reason she didn't have a dishwasher was so that she would have that one on one time with whomever was doing the dishes with her that night. I always thought that had merit too - and would share it with my kids during the many years of our marriage when there was not a dishwasher in the house!
The most important fact to remember is that consequences need to be logical and immediate.
And you have the same Christmas dishes we do!! And right now it's dishes for 20+ every night - so if you have any rulebreakers around, send them over here!!
there's the added motivation to do them well because they'll be eating off them too. bonus.
ReplyDeletethat said, i have sad memories of just being assigned to wash all the dishes by myself for a week at a time growing up. not as a punishment, but just "because" i liked my inlaw's method SO much better: every night after dinner, they whole family pitched in and put on energizing music (usually ABBA) and blitzed the place clean together. Some would clear while others put food away and washed/dried/put away dishes. another would vacuum the floor and someone would wipe table/counters. in a matter of minutes the whole place was sparkling, and then everyone could go enjoy the evening together and no single person was left to face the overwhelming mess made by a large meal. often, my FIL would shoo my MIL away and he and the kids would do it while she got to relax for a few minutes (she had, after all, made the meal beforehand).
that system has always been more to my liking than the one i grew up with. and it taught me how to work with a cheerful, helpful attitude, vs. the resentment and "put upon" outlook i developed as a kid. (i should note that the events as a kid were all when i was pretty young...by about age nine we'd stopped eating meals together and it was a free-for-all after that.)
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This comment is from DAD. As the originator of this said "dishes for improved behavior" concept, I have a few comments to make now as an old man. For the past several months I have been tasked at home now for doing the dishes alone for sometimes just 3 or 4 people. After having cleared the table, washed the dishes, dried the dishes and put them away, I had haunting memories of the torture that I must have put you through. I ask your forgiveness now after all of these years and have the following recommendation: PLEASE CEASE THIS BARBARIC PRACTICE AND LET IT NOT PASS ON TO YET ANOTHER GENERATION!!! From your repentant father.
ReplyDeleteIs it weird that I like doing the dishes? Something about seeing a big mess and feeling relieved when all the plates, glasses and cookware are clean and put away. I hope that's not too OCD....
ReplyDeleteThat being said, I like doing the dishes a few times a week, not several times a day like I did while home for Thanksgiving!
i am liking this discussion.
ReplyDelete:)
I love your comment dad. Awesome.
ReplyDeleteI do the dishes at my house a lot. But I have to admit, I like the way I do them the best!
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