Trashification

I watched this the other day and just died laughing. It really resonates with me.


“It is my personal opinion that all things, all objects, everything you own really only exists as part of a parade of garbage to the dumpster. Everything you own is pre-garbage. Your home is a garbage processing center where new things are purchased and slowly demoted through various stages of trashification until you’re done. It starts out you’re excited. You bring it home you put it on the kitchen table. You read the instructions. You tell all the people in the house all about it. And then some time goes by, you realize maybe you’re not going to be quite as keen on drying out fruit and storing it in your basement as you thought you were going to be. And so the object is demoted to the closet. It’s there for awhile. Eventually it lands on the floor, you start stepping on it to reach newer things that are just beginning on their journey to junk. Then the garage. The garage can be one of the longest phases for the object. But it is the most definite. No object in human history has ever successfully made it from the garage back into the house. Even the word garage seems to be a form of the word garbage (prounounced garbajjj). When you’re living in the same room as the garbage cans, well, it won’t be much longer now. Really, eBay is the only thing that can save the object at this point. Ebay, of course, another great step forward in human culture. Hey, why don’t we mail our garbage back and forth to each other. It’s all gotta go, my friends. Everything is thrown out in the end. Even we are thrown out, in the end, my friends. And when I hear about someone that died and wanted certain important personal possessions put in with them when they’re buried, I’m all for that. Take your crap with you."

-------------------------Jerry Seinfeld on Late night with Conan O'Brian Friday, November 2, 2007

PS I was going to link to the actually episode so you could watch it in person. But NBC's website is having difficulties. I think they're changing stuff around. anyway, i'll fix it later. It is hilarious to watch the words come from him.

PPS They removed this episode from the website. So you'll just have to take my word for it that he was hilarious.

Life's Important Questions

Over dinner tonight we were discussing this important question:

What would be the worst thing to step into?

Yes, I know, it is a most pressing question to ponder.

Here's some of what we came up with:

• A bottomless pit


• A pool of elephant diarrhea (these kind of answers are common with boys in the house)


• A helicopter rotor


• A pit filled with razor blades covered in lemon juice


• A room where they make glass panes (contains a pool of molten tin on which to float the glass panes. I didn't get this at first either. This kind of answer common with smart guys in the house)


• A bunch of angry skunks and porcupines


• A vat a whale vomit (again, a boy answer)


• An avalanche of rabid boars and porcupine


• An active volcano

What do you think would be the worst thing to step into?